Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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