I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
