i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize