the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
