your parents love me but you hate me
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
