i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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