I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
