I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize