I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Vodka?
Forever.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
