If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
