I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
They have beer where we have blood.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
