Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I wish I only lived at night.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
