you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
