I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
