If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
