This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
is it fun? or sober?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
