Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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