i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
