he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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