corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
