i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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