I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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