Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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