I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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