did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
