Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
