I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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