Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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