Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
