I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
