Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
