I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
