I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
