I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
