Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
