she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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