She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
