I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
