Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
