Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
