(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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