I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
