What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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