Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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