Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
