fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
