May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
