I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
