i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
