The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
