Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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