WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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