he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
