weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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