My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's rum buckets o'clock
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
