You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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