Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
