Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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