Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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