He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Even my vagina gasped.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
