i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
