let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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