just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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