I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
