My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
