So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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