Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
