please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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