Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
